3. Keep Your Gimp Hand Strong

You're not going to let your injury weaken your image, so why let it weaken your body?  Time to hit the gym, gimpers.

Yes, I said the gym!  You may not be able to get on the treadmill or the elliptical, but there's no excuse not to work your abs, glutes, and upper body...  Seriously.  Besides, how big of a boss do you look like rolling in the gym like "I got this" when you're obviously disabled.  The other patrons will probably look at you disbelievingly, but then you'll just show them up by pumping some serious iron.

GTC.  Gym, Tan, Crutch.

2. Stay Fly

Just because you've been injured doesn't mean you get to laze around in your PJs or sweats.  I'm serious, you don't want all the inevitable pity that you'll already be getting, so why make yourself look even more pathetic?  Get into some normal clothes, put your big girl panties on, and go on with your daily life!  There's no reason why you shouldn't be able to fully function (unless you got some killer pain meds).

Okay, now that you're getting out of your threadbare yoga pants, it's time to dress strategically.  When you're gimping, you need to do what you can to take the focus off of your healing appendage.  This means that if your foot is casted, you're going to need to make it less obvious and in-your-face.  If you've got on a boot, make sure it's black or some sort of understated color.  If you're casted, make sure you didn't get some crazy rainbow stripe cast (unless your strategy is "I am cripple and proud, let me sing it from the rooftops).

Get ready because it's time to bust out some bell bottoms or flare pants to cover up your sad foot... same goes for flowy armed tops and peasant blouses if you've got a gimpy arm.  The idea is coverage, here, people.  Get creative and try to do your best to camo your injury.  Let's hope you can pull off the boho look!

When in doubt, cover dat shyt up. 

1. Three Points of Contact

Gimps, this is the Golden Gimpy Rule.

You cannot, and I repeat, absolutely cannot be Big Gimpin' if you fall over.

Big Gimpin' is a way of life, you see, there's a certain image you have to uphold. Maintaining your composure (and exquisite good looks) is imperative in the world of high class crutching.  If you must use a device such as a wheelchair or a crutch, you must master the art of using these implements.  Not only should you be functional, the act of moving must have a certain fluidity, almost a harmony, if you will.  The goal here is to make people forget that you are, in fact, a gimp.

Staying stable is not going to be easy all the time.  I mean, face it, you're a tripod now.  A shaky one, at best.  But, as long as you have 3 points of contact with stable surfaces at all times, you're gonna make it. A few extra tips:

• Do not choose wobbly tables or unsuspecting people as a POC.  You're setting yourself up for embarrassment.  Always test your uncertain surfaces first, but do so discretely--you don't want to draw attention to your gimpiness, so use your hip or knee to lightly bump against said surface and check it for wobbles.  And as for people... don't use them at all.  Even if they offer.  It's a sign of weakness.
• Do not use pets.  Just trust me.
• If you're crutching up to a situation where you must dismount from the crutches and manipulate your body into a new place or position, you must plan accordingly.  Example:  You are crutching over to your friend's car.  You'll have to plan how you will open the door, sidestep to the seat, get both crutches in one hand, which foot goes in first, and what part of the car you will grab with your free hand to lower yourself in, and how to gracefully finagle your gimp foot and crutches into the car.  SEE?  It's hard work.  Don't worry, you'll get used to it.

Practice makes perfect.  Big Gimpin' is perfection.  

Introduction

While it sure is a shame that you have broken a limb, just had surgery, are an amputee, etc, there is absolutely nothing you can do about being sentenced to your crutches (or whatever medical implement you're using).  So why not do it up big?  I present to you:  Big Gimpin'.  Your ticket to stayin' fly while you're on the mend. 

Stick with me, kid.  You might even get a little attached to your crutches.