Gimps, this is the Golden Gimpy Rule.
You cannot, and I repeat, absolutely cannot be Big Gimpin' if you fall over.
Big Gimpin' is a way of life, you see, there's a certain image you have to uphold. Maintaining your composure (and exquisite good looks) is imperative in the world of high class crutching. If you must use a device such as a wheelchair or a crutch, you must master the art of using these implements. Not only should you be functional, the act of moving must have a certain fluidity, almost a harmony, if you will. The goal here is to make people forget that you are, in fact, a gimp.
Staying stable is not going to be easy all the time. I mean, face it, you're a tripod now. A shaky one, at best. But, as long as you have 3 points of contact with stable surfaces at all times, you're gonna make it. A few extra tips:
- Do not choose wobbly tables or unsuspecting people as a POC. You're setting yourself up for embarrassment. Always test your uncertain surfaces first, but do so discretely--you don't want to draw attention to your gimpiness, so use your hip or knee to lightly bump against said surface and check it for wobbles. And as for people... don't use them at all. Even if they offer. It's a sign of weakness.
- Do not use pets. Just trust me.
- If you're crutching up to a situation where you must dismount from the crutches and manipulate your body into a new place or position, you must plan accordingly. Example: You are crutching over to your friend's car. You'll have to plan how you will open the door, sidestep to the seat, get both crutches in one hand, which foot goes in first, and what part of the car you will grab with your free hand to lower yourself in, and how to gracefully finagle your gimp foot and crutches into the car. SEE? It's hard work. Don't worry, you'll get used to it.
Practice makes perfect. Big Gimpin' is perfection.
